Hope, Fire & Dreams

Below is a memorial I delivered last week for my mother-in-law, Kim Bok Soon - Mrs. Kim. I have written a short meditation about life, grief and hope on the anniversary of my son Miles’ birthday the past few years. This one wasn’t planned as the meditation, but I can’t think of a more appropriate one on the anniversary of one I love than looking at the life of another I love.
 
​She was a joy to know! A person who was truly bigger than life. She had a charming smile, a great laugh, free affections – along with free opinions and a very stern stare that said much without uttering a word. She was always serving, always giving of her talents, and lived each day with a seemingly endless supply of energy. Giving freely and accepting freely. She was fully alive.
 
I enjoyed her coming over often the last few years on Saturday mornings. Penny and I were usually preparing breakfast. Mrs. Kim would say shyly that she wasn’t hungry, that she’d already eaten, take a little bite of something, declare it as good, then finish off a waffle, a couple of strips of bacon and an egg. Always with her cute smile and usually interrupted by a few phone calls with her girlfriends.
 
At family get togethers, she’d grab both of my hands and say how happy she was that I married Penny. It made me happy that I could bring joy to her. She had a very firm grip, so I was also happy that I never made her mad!
 
Mrs. Kim took much of life in stride and she expected you to take it in stride as well. About 8 years ago she decided to move in with Penny, Michelle and Matthew. The house became the hang out for Mrs. Kim’s friends that year. During her last move to Fullerton, she called Penny on moving day to say her bed was made of stone and would require special movers. No problem.
 
She was very persuasive too. She talked a judge into reducing two traffic tickets into one, and talked Toyota into giving her a new engine after she inadvertently put diesel fuel into the gas tank. Appointments were for other people. She’d show up at the Dentist without an appointment, smile and say she’d wait for an opening. Then start chatting on her phone in the lobby until an opening appeared.
 
Mrs. Kim was old school in her technology, relying on a flip phone as her preferred device. I don’t think she ever texted, she didn’t have a Facebook account, nor ever loaded a photo on Instagram. If you asked her to describe SnapChat, she’d probably have told you that was how she ended phone calls. She’d “snap” her phone shut when she was done talking to end the “chat”.
 
Yet she was the most socially connected person I know. About 9 years ago I had the chance to spend a couple of days with her while she made some window treatments for my home. I walked away thinking that I found the gravitational center of our universe in her. Friends were drawn toward her in frequent intervals during those two days. Someone needed slacks hemmed, another person called her on the land line, then another would call on her cell phone. Someone would bring over food, while another would walk away with food. Mrs. Kim took it all with such nonchalance that I assumed the 15 or so visitors each day was an everyday occurrence. She turned anyplace she lived into a small town with her service and friendships.
 
Her life had not always been fun and free. Born in 1930’s Japanese occupied Korea, she lost her mother by age 6, saw the effects of WWII and had the Korean War play out at in front her - all before she turned 20. Her husband Jung Sil was wounded by shrapnel during the war. I think this early time in her life helped to develop a strong inner strength – a fire that wouldn’t let circumstances ever stand in her way.
 
This world of turmoil barely slowed down after the war but she found the hope and confidence to start a family. 5 children were born, one daughter died at a young age. Still there was hope and now dreams of a better future. Applications were made, sponsorships fixed and the wait for the chance to come to America.
 
The opportunity arrived in 1971, so with more hope in their hearts than money in their pockets, more determination than job prospects and 4 children in tow Mr. and Mrs. Kim left for America.
 
My favorite photo of Mrs. Kim is from this time. She was in her late 30’s. The photo, first used when she came over, was placed on her citizenship certificate 8 years later. It was a plain passport type photo created for accuracy instead of flattery, but it shows two important things. The first was her beauty. You could have guessed she was beautiful by looking at her daughters and granddaughters, but it catches your attention in this unadorned photo.
 
The second thing that stands out is the look in her eyes. I was a history major and have always been interested in photography, so early photographs have been a natural interest. Particularly old photos of immigrants coming over from Europe a century ago, 19th century pioneers risking everything for a chance to make their life in the West, and my own grandparents who had to flee Mexico during the Revolution. There was a look of determination in the eyes of many of them; an intense, unblinking stare at the camera that seemed to say they were up to the challenges of this new life.
 
Mrs. Kim had that look in her eyes. It was a look created by experiences and telling of her character. Her eyes said there wasn’t a problem she couldn’t take on.
 
This intense look in her eyes was with her a few weeks ago after surgery. She was in a fight to get out of the hospital and get well on her own terms. Never mind that she had major surgery the day before, or that moving would have put her life in jeopardy. She wanted to handle this problem like she knew how to do from the past – directly. She told several people to get their car and get her out of there.
 
It was only after she revived from several days of sedation that she changed. She came back with a serenity. Her last week was a gift for her and everyone who saw her. She received the love of her family and friends, prayed and had time to reflect on her well lived life. She said to her children that she was ready, that she wasn’t afraid to die.
 
I think she shifted her view of the illness when she came out of sedation. It was no longer a fight to win, but God telling her, “Well done, good and faithful servant”. It was time to go home. She became a Christian early on in America and lived a life of incredibly strong faith and service. She spent hours praying, feeding the hungry, clothing the poor, visiting the sick and singing songs to her Savior. She was ready to see her Lord.
 
Mrs. Kim lived with hope to overcome trials, an intensity to persevere and dreams of a brighter future for her children. She loved freely and with joy. I don’t know if she was always like this, if it happened with her conversion or with time but it is rare to see someone with so iron a will also have such a tender and free heart.
 
For her grandchildren, know that when she held you in her hands, prayed for you with her soul and loved you with her heart she was seeing her dream come true. Your successes in life were a joy to her, your children were her legacy. You were held for, prayed for and loved by a rare breed and she is in you.
 
Years from now when your children are older and, as happens, their memory of your grandmother fades, tell them her story. Tell them how Jung Sil and her hold a unique place in their family history as they bravely packed up all for their new life in America. Tell them of her unwavering hope to overcome any failure, the fire in her belly to fight any fight, and the dreams she had of this new and better life for all of you.
 
Help your children, her great grandchildren, to find their reason for hope that perseveres through failure, stoke their passion for a life of purpose and encourage them to find dreams worth living for. They had the rare opportunity to be held and loved by the author of the first chapter in their volume of the American Dream.
 
Death is as inevitable as it is unwelcome. Teddy Roosevelt once said this truth, “Death is always, under all circumstances, a tragedy. For if it were not, then it would mean that life was.” This is so true with Mrs. Kim’s death. We mourn her death but celebrate her marvelous life and her faith in the resurrection of the dead. Our faith testifies that death is not the final word in our lives. Our love testifies that Kim Bok Soon will not be forgotten.
 
I will miss this wonderful woman. Miss her prayers for my family and me, miss her appetite for my food, miss her smile, her love and laughter. But I trust that this is not her end and that we share what the Apostle Paul called, “Christ in you, the hope of glory.”